playlist ·

May Playlist: Morvern Callar Soundtrack

One of my favorite movies is 2002’s Morvern Callar, directed by Lynne Ramsey. The movie is based on a book by Alan Warner, the premise of which is that a young woman, Morvern Callar, wakes up to find that her writer boyfriend has killed himself while she was asleep. He leaves her a note with his finished book manuscript, instructions on which publishers to contact with it, and money for his funeral. The very atmospheric, dreamlike movie follows Morvern as she picks up the pieces and tries to figure out what to do with her life in the aftermath of her boyfriend’s suicide.

I first discovered this movie by chance one evening after my divorce and found myself deeply relating to a woman cut adrift and trying to make her way in life, not sure of anything other than her soundtrack, which she swipes from her bf's collection. I have gone back to this movie repeatedly over the years, particularly in times of transition. The pandemic is one of those transitional times that's entailed huge changes for almost everyone all throughout the globe.

Personally, I thought that I would be very, very happy for the vaccination rollout and to be able to get back to the Before, but it has not been so simple for me. For one, I have always had a lot of social anxiety even pre-pandemic and now, it feels like I'm out of practice coping with that anxiety when in social settings. Secondly, the vaccine has rolled out much more quickly than most people even hoped to happen. Obviously, that's a good thing, but it doesn't change that "re-opening" is a pretty big life change for many of us who have been hunkering down at home for the last year plus. So just because it's safer to go out and socialize doesn't mean that the psychological component is gone.

For me, I'm taking things slowly and trying to treat myself and others gently because we've all gone through some "ish" the last year. As part of that, I find this soundtrack helps me get back into that transitional mindset. In the movie, Movern is very open to new experiences and discovering who she is and what she should be doing with her life after major disruption. We could all use a little bit more of that sense of exploration, to try to look at the world with new eyes and not be in a rush to get back to "normal" whatever that is now.

Enjoy the music - it's an eclectic mix that includes songs from Aphex Twin, CAN, the Mamas and the Papas, Velvet Underground and more.

xo,

Kaelen